My Experience with the DUTCH Test by Precision Analytical

Hi friends! Several months ago - back in the spring - I told you guys that I was taking the DUTCH Complete test and then life got crazy and I never really mentioned it again, so in today’s episode, I’m going to give you an update on my experience with the DUTCH test, what I’ve learned from it, and how it’s benefited my health.  

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The DUTCH test is a functional hormone test made by a company called Precision Analytical, a CLIA-certified laboratory. DUTCH stands for Dried Urine Test for Comprehensive Hormones and as the name indicates, their tests evaluate various hormone levels. Some of their tests evaluate sex hormones like estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone (as well as their metabolites - more on this later), and some look at adrenal hormones like cortisol and DHEA-S, and some tests look at all of it. Their tests also evaluate oxidative stress markers as well as certain vitamin and organic acid markers. 

My Experience

I chose to go with the DUTCH complete test as it was the most comprehensive test at the time. I wanted an overall look at my sex hormones as well as my adrenal hormones. Some of you may remember that I posted a few stories on Instagram right before I sent my test back in where I showed you what all was included in the test, what it looks like, etc. (those are still in my Endo highlight if you’d like to go back and see those). As I mentioned, this is a dried urine test, so the kit includes cards for you to collect several urine samples over a 24-hour period. It also includes a health history form for all of your medical history as well as places for you to indicate any symptoms you’re experiencing or concerns that you have. Once you’ve completed all of your samples, you seal everything up and mail it back to Precision Analytical in a prepaid package envelope. It’s honestly very easy to do and the instructions are very detailed and clear. 

My full report with my results was emailed to me within two weeks of when I mailed in the test.

Who is the DUTCH test for?

In my opinion, this test can be beneficial for anyone, because I always think that more information about your body and how it’s functioning is helpful. Mainly, I think that the DUTCH test can be very helpful for anyone experiencing hormonal imbalance symptoms or a hormone-driven condition like PCOS, Endometriosis, Uterine Fibroids, infertility, etc. Also, this test can be helpful for anyone with a history of estrogen-driven cancer in their families such as breast or prostate cancer, or anyone who is concerned about their risk.

DUTCH Results Report

I’m going to walk you through some of my results so you can better understand what this test looks like and how you can use the results to support your health. I will say that this is a very in-depth report, so unless you are trained in hormone health and detox pathways, you will need the help of a physician trained in these areas - likely a functional medicine doctor. The report does provide a summary at the end of each section of the results, but for an in-depth understanding and how to address/treat any issues that are found, you will need the support of someone trained in this. I do have a few functional med Drs that I can refer you to, if you’d like to send me an email or DM, I can help you with that. 

• The first page starts with a summary of the main 3 sex hormones - Estradiol (E2), progesterone, and testosterone - and adrenal hormones - total DHEA and free Cortisol. (So for me, it showed that my overall estrogen was on the high end of normal, my progesterone was on the low end of normal, and my testosterone was right in the middle of the normal range. My cortisol pattern looked good, although the free cortisol was a little more on the low end. My total DHEA also looked good. No real surprises here for me - it’s pretty much what I expected)

• Page 2 of the report lists the hormone metabolites (the liver breaks down active hormones into water-soluble metabolites in order to be excreted from the body). There are different metabolites for each hormone and measuring these helps you to know how your body is clearing excess hormones. If your body isn’t doing this well, it can increase your risk for hormone-driven disease and cancer. For example, the hormone estrogen actually has 3 primary forms - Estrone (E1), Estradiol (E2), and Estriol (E3) and each can be broken down and pass through a few different metabolite pathways to be eventually excreted from the body. The ideal pathway is called the 2-OH pathway and it is considered the safest or most protective, meaning it’s the least likely to bind to something it shouldn’t or cause any damage to your DNA on its way out. On the other hand, there is the 4-OH pathway that is the least desired pathway because when not properly detoxified these metabolites are more likely to cause damage. When your body seems to prefer this pathway and doesn’t do a good job of detoxification, this can increase your risk of estrogen-driven cancer, specifically breast cancer. This is a big deal and something that is important to know. There are ways that you can support your body’s detoxification pathways but you need to know as soon as possible, rather than waiting until it’s becoming a problem to address it.

• Page 3 is a visual representation of each hormone and its metabolites and their pathways. It also allows you to see how your body prefers to metabolize hormones. 

• Pages 4 and 5 give you a similar structure as 3-4 but with adrenal hormones as well as a helpful diagram that shows the process of how our stress hormones are triggered and the pathways that they follow throughout the body. 

• Page 6 lists the organic acids that are tested which include markers for vitamins B12 and B6, and glutathione (a major antioxidant that is very important for detoxification) as well as metabolites for dopamine, norepinephrine/epinephrine, melatonin, and a marker for oxidative stress/DNA damage. 

• The remaining pages provide a summary of a few clinical notes that would be made on any out-of-range results that you have, as well as explanations for each marker and how to read the report. 

As you can see, this is a very in-depth report that goes into way more detail than a normal hormone panel that your PCP or GYN would order. I also love the fact that since this test is measured with urine, it can look at how your body is detoxing the hormones. This is something that a serum or blood test can’t evaluate in the same way. 

Again, I highly recommend this test for anyone who feels that there is something off with their hormones as well as anyone who knows that they have estrogen dominance issues or who may have elevated risk factors for hormone-driven disease or cancer/has a family history of breast or prostate cancers. 

You can order the test through a DUTCH-affiliated provider by searching their website or you can order the test online for yourself and have it sent to your home. DUTCH gave me a coupon code to share with you if you want to order it for yourself - use the code adhc100 for $100 off the cost of the test. 

If you have any questions about the test or need help getting in touch with a physician that could help interpret your results, feel free to send an email to info@yourhealthforward.com or send me a DM on Instagram. 

Why Optimal Magnesium Levels Matter with Kristen Bowen

In today's episode, Kristen Bowen, from Living the Good Life Naturally, is sharing the importance of optimal magnesium levels and how it affects the body. She also explains how we can know if we are deficient and how to get back to optimal levels to support our health.

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Questions answered in this episode…

How did you start helping people with their health and specifically focusing on magnesium?

Why do you think it’s so important for overall health to really own your own health journey? 

Let’s talk about magnesium for a bit: Why is magnesium so important and what does it do in the body?

Is magnesium deficiency common among women? How can someone know if they are deficient?

Can magnesium deficiency contribute to hormonal imbalances or reproductive challenges? 

What is transdermal magnesium and why is it better than an oral magnesium supplement?

Can Epsom salts help in a similar way to transdermal magnesium?

What protocol do you typically recommend for transdermal magnesium supplementation?

Where can people learn more about ordering magnesium? 

Resources mentioned in this episode: Magnesium soak, magnesium muscle cream, magnesium lotion - USE CODE HF10 for 10% off your order.
Living the Good Life Naturally youtube education videos; follow Kristen on Instagram

Find more from Kristen here.

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PCOS 101

September is PCOS awareness month and so for today’s episode, I wanted to do a quick deep dive into some basics about PCOS. It is actually the number one hormonal imbalance condition among reproductive-aged women and sadly, the leading cause of female infertility. So, this condition affects a lot of women and like many other hormonal issues, it can take a long time to get a proper diagnosis. So I want you to be informed about what PCOS is, what some of the common symptoms are, and if you or someone you love has PCOS, what we can do to help with it!

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PCOS is a common hormone and metabolic condition that affects up to 15% of reproductive-age women. It is associated with a higher risk for long-term health issues such as heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, sleep apnea, and infertility. Higher instances of insulin resistance, IBS, and depression/anxiety are also reported with PCOS. 

Symptoms often associated with this disorder are absent or infrequent menstrual cycles, excess weight gain or inability to lose weight, excess facial or body hair, head hair thinning or loss, severe acne, and often (but not always) insulin resistance and polycystic ovaries. 

PCOS is the most common form of hormonal imbalance and while experts know that it is rooted in inflammation and insulin dysregulation, what actually triggers PCOS is not understood. There seems to be a genetic factor, as women with moms or sisters diagnosed with PCOS are likely to have it as well. Also, as with any hormonal condition, gut health plays a major role. Some believe that it can possibly be linked with a combination of imbalanced gut flora and increased intestinal permeability, which leads to increased inflammation in the body. This can cause cells to become rigid and unable to receive the signal from insulin to let glucose into the cell (which leads to your pancreas continuing to pump out more insulin, and left untreated eventually becomes insulin resistance). Although ovaries do not become insulin resistant, when bombarded with insulin, the ovaries can respond by secreting testosterone. An excess of insulin can also inhibit the secretion of sex hormone-binding globulin (SHBG) which is the protein that binds excess sex hormones like testosterone and estrogen. This creates a perfect storm for these common PCOS symptoms.

PCOS is a clinical diagnosis, which means that it’s based on having a grouping of some PCOS symptoms and ruling out other diagnoses. Often a physician may want to perform an ultrasound to check the ovaries for cysts, but it is important to note not every woman with PCOS will have polycystic ovaries (despite the name). Most women with PCOS do have insulin resistance, but again - not all. It’s important that you work with your physician and be informed on the recommended lab tests that can be helpful for making a diagnosis. Functional medicine practitioners recommend a full thyroid panel, a full hormone panel including estrogen, testosterone, DHEA, SHBG, progesterone, prolactin, LH, FSH, and AMH, as well as a lipid panel and fasting blood glucose and insulin, and A1C. There may also be other tests as well as research about PCOS continues to be published. 

Once someone receives a PCOS diagnosis there really aren’t a lot of great conventional treatment options. The most common option is to take hormonal birth control and while that can help with symptoms, unfortunately, it doesn’t do anything to actually heal the cause of the symptoms. Not only that, but some believe that it may actually worsen the condition over time. Metformin is also a common medication given to women with PCOS. Just be sure to research and speak with your doctor about the common negative side effects that can be associated with it. 

While there is no cure for PCOS, there are things that a woman diagnosed with PCOS can do to help with symptoms as well as target the underlying known contributors to PCOS - blood sugar dysregulation, poor gut health, and inflammation. 

When I work with clients who have PCOS the first two things that we work on are supporting balanced blood sugar and healing their gut. So let’s talk about some foods, supplements, and lifestyle modifications that can help with those things.

When it comes to food, the first thing to remember is that your body needs to feel safe and know that it can count on adequate fuel throughout the day. The best way to do this is to eat a balanced meal (meaning fiber, protein, and fat) about every 3-4 hours. So that typically looks like breakfast, lunch, dinner, and at least 1 snack, maybe 2. You don’t want to eat continually or fall into grazing throughout the day, but also don’t skip meals or go long periods of time without eating. 

Some specific foods that can help:  

• clean sources of protein: wild-caught, omega-3 rich fish such as salmon, cod, trout or sardines; bone broth, grass-fed beef

• High fiber carbs:  cruciferous veggies, pumpkin, beans, rice, berries, goji, cherries, onion, parsley, garlic, freshly ground flax seeds 

• Healthy fats: walnuts, coconut, olives, 

• Herbs, spices, teas: cinnamon, turmeric, ginger, decaf green tea, Holy Basil tea, liver support teas - like milk thistle or dandelion 

There are some supplements that may also be helpful. I do just want to remind you that everyone’s body is different and may respond differently to herbs/supplements. It’s really best to work with a practitioner who is knowledgeable about these supplements and your particular healthy history. With that said, Vitamin D and methylated B-complex can be helpful because a lot of women (in general), especially with PCOS, are deficient in these. Herbs like Vitex, Dong Quai, saw palmetto, nettle root, and licorice can help with some of the common PCOS symptoms. Inositol is another common supplement given to help with insulin sensitivity and other common issues with PCOS.

There are also some lifestyle recommendations and alternative therapies that can be helpful as well. We all know that regular exercise is good for us, but especially for women with PCOS daily movement is vital for reducing inflammation, balancing blood sugar, and supporting gut and liver health. It’s also important to participate in weight training at least 2x per week (either bodyweight or added weights) which has been proven to help increase insulin sensitivity, allowing it to be more useful in the body. It’s also recommended that women with PCOS prioritize getting 8-9 hours of sleep each night and commit to stress-reducing routines like daily walks and downtime from social media and other emotional stressors. Acupuncture can also be helpful. Many women have also found seed cycling to be helpful - and that probably needs its own episode but essentially is eating certain types of seeds in the follicular phase of your cycle and then switching to other seeds in the second type of your cycle. This can help the body get rid of excess hormones more efficiently and may support more balanced hormone levels. It also provides a great source of fiber which is helpful for gut and liver health  

Ultimately, if you or someone you love has PCOS it’s important to know that even though there isn’t a cure, symptoms can be managed and your body can be supported in such a way that the condition doesn’t have to take over your life. Make sure to get a good team of healthcare professionals on your side that can help you with all aspects of your health and really take the time to learn about PCOS and about how your own body responds - what works for you and what doesn’t. 

Friends, I hope that this episode has been helpful for you. If you’re struggling with PCOS know that you aren’t in this alone and that there is help available for you. Start with some of these things that I’ve mentioned today and build a team of people around you that can support you in this journey. As always if you have any questions, you can send an email to info@yourhealthforward.com. 

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How I Supported My Body through Surgery

Hi friends!! In today’s episode, I’m sharing about my recent endometriosis surgery and some of the things that I did, both pre-op and post-op, to support my body through the process. My hope is that this episode will help those of you who may be looking at an endo-surgery for yourself or a friend/family member, but also for anyone who may have any kind of abdominal surgery, or really any surgery at all. Surgery is hard on the body and providing it with a little extra support can go a long way in speeding up recovery time and post-op symptoms.

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So in the last episode, I shared with you guys that I was going to be having another surgery for endometriosis and that I would update you on how everything went, as well as how I supported my body through the process. So today, I want to share those things with you. 

I’m about 1.5 months post-op at this point and thankfully, feeling really good! Overall, this was the smoothest and best surgery experience that I’ve had (of the 3) and I’m so grateful for that! I had a whole lot of people supporting me - praying for me and helping out - which I think has played a huge part in how smoothly I’ve recovered, but I also think that doing a few things both before and after surgery has really helped, as well. 

Pre-Op:

As anyone who has ever had surgery knows, it’s quite hard on the body. So, a few weeks before my surgery date I started doing a few things to both strengthen my immune system. I was already taking a prenatal vitamin as well as omega-3 supplements, CBD oil, and a probiotic daily - so I made sure to be very consistent with those. I also started taking an additional dose of liposomal vitamin c and vitamin d. I also tried to be really consistent with moving my body and getting good sleep. I even added melatonin to my regiment a few times a week, just to ensure that I was getting good, deep sleep and because it acts as an antioxidant. (Note- I did stop the omega 3s and melatonin one week before sx as they can thin the blood a bit). 

I also wanted to support my detox pathways as much as possible, knowing that I was going to be given a lot of medication (which I very gladly accepted), so I upped the times of week that dry-brushed and took detox baths. 

The surgery itself went very well. Going into it, I knew that I had cysts on both ovaries, and given that it had been 6 years since my last surgery, I honestly expected for it to be really severe. However, the surgery only took a little over an hour and there were very few lesions, at least in comparison to last time ((where I had stage 4 lesions). My doctor was also quite surprised and happy with that. As I said, I was given so much medication - more so than any other surgery prior, but again - I gladly accepted it. Thankfully, I had no complications (and had a very easy IV stick, which is usually not the case for me), so I was able to go home shortly after waking up. I will say that if you ever find yourself needing to have surgery, get yourself a BFF that’s a nurse to go with you! I basically had my own private nurse who took great care of me, kept me laughing and chatting all day, and was looking over everyone’s shoulder to make sure everything went according to plan. :) {Chrissy, you’re the real MVP here!} 

Post-Op:

So, once I got home, I was given meds to help with both pain and nausea. Thankfully, I didn’t experience that much nausea this time, but I did stay on top of it with the meds for the first 24 hours. Trust me when I tell you that puking and abdominal incisions DO NOT go well together. DO NOT RECOMMEND. I was pretty bloated and uncomfortable from the CO2 that they use to inflate the abdomen for surgery. This is a super common symptom after any kind of laparoscopic abdominal surgery and usually resolves in a day or less. 

The next few days looked like a lot of resting and sleeping as much as I could (hello, 3-yr old:)). I was pretty unsteady for about 24 hours and needed help getting up and down for a couple days. The pain stayed at a moderate level for 3-4 days and was easily manageable with the pain meds and I was able to wean down to just taking Aleve after about 3-4 days. 

During this time I did try to get in as much bone broth / bb protein as I could to start helping my gut recover from all the meds. I also upped my daily dose of probiotics since I was given antibiotics during surgery and also went back to taking the omega supplement as well as CBD, vitamin D, and extra vitamin C. 

Within a couple of days, I found myself wanting to move more, but I quickly had to learn to listen to my body because if I was walking around more than about 5 minutes, I would start bleeding more. That probably lasted for about 5ish days and then I was able to extend that time. 

One of the most challenging parts for me this time was the effect that the anesthesia (and possibly some of the meds) had on me emotionally/mentally. I felt super foggy and kind of just in a funk for about a week. I don’t remember that being an issue in previous surgeries. 

I would say that I was feeling back to myself, at least 90%, at about 2 weeks post-op, and now I am fully 100% back to normal, or honestly probably a little better than I was before surgery. I’m working my way into exercise, prioritizing my core strength and pelvic floor right now, so doing mainly Pilates for that. I’m also continuing with my vitamin/supplement regimen with the extra vitamin c and higher probiotic doses daily, as well as trying to get 3-4 dry brushing sessions and detox baths every week. 

My post-op appointment went really well and so we will resume trying on our own for baby #2 for a while. I will go back in for a follow-up in about 4-5 months, and I am starting acupuncture back next week (a couple of episodes on that if you want to know more - episode 32 and episode 54). So we’re hopeful and will just see what happens. Right now, I’m just really thankful to have the surgery behind me and to be feeling good, less inflamed, and more energetic. 

I hope that this episode has been helpful for you! If you have an upcoming surgery, I hope that you will use some of these tips and ideas as you prepare and recover. If you know someone with #endo or who may have surgery coming up, pass this episode along to them. It can be so unnerving not knowing what to expect or what recovery may look like, so I hope sharing my experience will help a little with that as well as empower you to know that there are things that you can do to help support your recovery. 

Before I leave you for today, I wanted to share with you a little encouragement - especially for those of you who may be facing surgery or any kind of concern over your health. The morning of surgery, I opened my Bible for a few minutes with God before heading to the hospital. I knew I didn’t have a lot of time, so I just randomly opened it, planning to just read a Psalm or Proverb. I opened it to Psalm 35, to a verse I don’t even remember reading before, that said “He takes pleasure in His servant’s well-being” and it brought me so much peace. I hope it brings peace to you as well! 

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What I Wish I Could Have Known at the Beginning of Our Infertility Journey

Infertility can be a long journey and as with anything difficult or challenging, there are certain things that you learn as you go through it. So often I hear people say, “if I only knew then what I know now”, so as we observe #infertilityawarenessweek, I want to share some things that I wish I could have known at the beginning of my infertility journey. Not because I think it will change your outcome or really even your timeline, but because I hope that it will help you find a little more joy in the journey (and yes, I do believe that is possible) and because I hope it will encourage your heart, whether you are walking through infertility or some other hard time in your life. 

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What I Wish I Could Have Known

Some things about myself...

• My body isn’t broken. My body, my health, and my fertility are not projects. While there are things I can do to support the functions of my body, that’s not my sole purpose in life. 

• It’s better to have all the information instead of spending time being too scared to find out. Just go ahead and get the labs done, make the fertility appointment, see what the options are, and then make an informed decision. 

• I am a whole person, outside of being a mom. Infertility doesn’t define me and neither will motherhood.

Some things about marriage… 

This is going to be very hard on our marriage, but we can choose to be all in, no matter how ugly and challenging it may get, and have a stronger marriage because of it. Do the work and don’t expect it to just be okay. 

• Go to counseling

• Have open communication with each other without expecting one another to handle things perfectly. Don’t try to fix each other. 

• Learn to be okay with the other person not being okay sometimes - just be there for each other

• Keep intimacy fun and not only for purposes of “trying”

• Enjoy being with each other and doing all the things that come easier without kids - take the trips, never skip date night, do home projects, etc. While wonderful in every single way, a baby makes everything more complicated.

• Don’t miss what we have now because we are so focused on the future.  

Some things about other relationships...

• I cannot do this by myself. I need to let some people into it to walk along with me. They won’t completely understand and that’s okay. Your people will love you even when you aren’t okay. 

• Finding a support group or at least another couple or two that are walking the same road is so helpful (online resources if none local) 

• Take some of the pressure off. I don’t have to attend every single baby shower or gender reveal party. I don’t need to isolate and wallow in self-pity but I also can’t hold myself to an impossible standard either. I can love people well and still hold healthy boundaries. 

Some things about God...

• God isn’t being cruel or holding out on me and He isn’t punishing me for something. He doesn’t treat his kids like that. My grief and heartbreak break His heart too. 

• God made my body good because it’s made in His image. Even if the brokenness of this world is affecting the way it’s functioning, it is still a creation of the Father, and He cannot make bad things. 

• There is beauty within this pain and if I lean into trusting God through it, there is treasure on the other side of this journey. I can trust Him with this deep desire. 

• That void that I feel, that hole in my heart - it’s a God-shaped hole and only He can fill it.

Friend, there is nothing that I can say that will make this journey easy. Nothing that will take the pain away but my hope and prayer is that something I’ve said here today will resonate with you and help you know that you aren’t alone. You are seen and loved and there are a lot of other people out there feeling the same way that you do. 

If you ever need to reach out and connect with someone who understands, feel free to send me an email or a DM on Instagram. I’d be happy to connect with you. 

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How Acupuncture Can Improve Fertility with Sarah Prater, L.Ac

Hi friends! I’m so excited to welcome Sarah Prater back to the podcast today! Sarah is a Reproductive Acupuncturist specializing in infertility. She the founder and acupuncturist at the TN Center for Reproductive Acupuncture here in Knoxville and is just an amazing resource for those navigating their infertility journeys. 

Sarah has been a huge part of my personal journey with both infertility and endometriosis, so I asked to her share the effect acupuncture can have on fertility as well as any other health benefits that can come from it. She also explains the details of what an acupuncture appointment is like as well as what kind of fertility journeys are best paired with treatment by a licensed acupuncturist.

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Questions found in this episode:

What is acupuncture?

How does acupuncture affect fertility? What are the benefits?

Does acupuncture only work with natural cycles or can it help with advanced reproductive treatment options as well?

Can you give us an idea of what a typical cycle with acupuncture would look like?

Is there anyone that acupuncture may not be a good choice for?

Are there any other resources you suggest for those walking through infertility?

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Infertility and the Holidays

Hey friends! Today’s episode is geared towards those walking through infertility or for those who have close friends or family experiencing infertility. As I’ve shared from my own experience and from the experiences of several friends who have also dealt with infertility, it’s a very challenging and difficult experience - physically, emotionally, financially, relationally - really it affects all aspects of your life. This is especially true during the holiday season. 

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While the holidays are a joyful time, often filled with fun and celebration, they can also be incredibly difficult for those dealing with infertility. This is true for pretty much every holiday, but especially so during this time of year with Thanksgiving and Christmas so close together. The emphasis on family traditions, making fun memories, etc. that come with these particular holidays can really highlight the void and lack that couples with infertility can find themselves feeling. 

I wanted to share a few ideas of things that helped us as well as things that friends have shared with me that were helpful to them.

Acknowledge that it’s hard

If you’re walking through infertility, acknowledge when you’re having a hard time. It can feel tempting to just suck it up and act like everything is fine, but that is only going to make things harder on you emotionally. It’s okay for you to feel how you feel. If this season isn’t hard for you, that’s fine too! Just take the pressure off of yourself to feel a certain way. 

If your family member or friend is dealing with infertility, acknowledge that this is probably a difficult time for them. Be intentional about checking on them, giving them a little extra love, and making yourself available for them to talk to you about it if they want to (without pressuring them). A simple text that says “Hey - I know this can be a tough time of year. Just wanted you to know I’m always here to listen if you want to talk.” can be a huge encouragement to them - just to know that you haven’t forgotten them and what they are going through. 

Remove expectations

This is going to look like giving yourself (or your friend/family member) lots and lots of grace. If you don’t feel like going to the Christmas party where everyone brings their kids, be okay politely saying no. If you know that certain “holiday” things are going to be triggering for you, maybe just skip those this time. If something is going to cause you to be in an unhealthy place, it’s okay to say no. This also applies to social media! The comparison game is difficult with social media regardless, but I feel like it’s even more difficult during the holiday season, especially if you are dealing with infertility. It may be a good time to take a social media break through the holidays and come back to it in January (or not :P). 

If your friend or family member is the one dealing with infertility, just make sure you’re being considerate. It’s not that anyone expects or wants you to walk on eggshells around them or never invite them to be around your kids, etc. Just be conscious that it may be difficult for them and don’t place extra pressure on them to come to things or be okay. On that note, don’t just not invite them either. I know that feels a little complicated but there is a balance there. Just be gracious. Invite them to the party, feel free to talk to them about your life, your kids, your pregnancy, etc. Just consider their feelings and ask them how they are feeling about things. One of the things that make infertility even more difficult is how isolating it can feel, so don’t let them feel alone - make sure they know you are there for them. They likely feel like they need to act okay even when they aren’t, so make sure they know that they are supported regardless of how they feel. 

Have your ‘safe place’

This one is more for those actually experiencing infertility - make sure you and your spouse have a ‘safe place’. (If you have seen the movie “Four Christmases” think of the scene where they agree on a safe word before they see their families for Christmas - that’s kind of where I’m going with this!) Family get-togethers can get uncomfortable (for everyone at times), especially during a time like this, so talk about these things before the holidays really get started. Agree on a ‘safe word’ if one of you just really needs to go. Have a ‘safe place’ where you both are free to express your emotions and frustrations without judgment or needing to “fix” the other person - where you can just vent (you know, when Aunt Bertha asks for the tenth time, “well when’s that baby coming?”, or Uncle Fred asks, “do y’all need a reminder on where babies come from?”).

I think it’s also helpful to have a friend or two, other than your spouse, that you can really be open with. Maybe someone who has walked a similar road before or someone who you can just be very vulnerable with, who will listen to you vent, but then who will lovingly remind you of truth, pray for you, cover for you if you need a minute away, etc. Remember, this journey is way harder when you try to go it alone. Find your people and let them in. 

Find a way to make the holidays fun

Even though this season can be tough doesn’t mean that it can’t also be fun and joyful too. Plan some holiday activities that you can do - just you and your spouse or maybe with a group of friends - that are fun! Think of the things that you can do that would be way more challenging if you did have small kids right now. Remember that this a season and chapter in your life - not the whole thing - so enjoy what you have right now. Go Black Friday shopping at 2 AM (safely, of course - maybe virtually this year :P), plan a super romantic Christmas date, spoil your spouse or friends with gifts, take a trip, etc. It doesn’t take away the pain, but joy and sadness can coexist, so let yourself have fun and find some things to get excited about!

Give to and serve others

This is a big one. Listen, I know firsthand that you may not feel like giving and serving during the holidays, but we were created to give and serve. We were made in the image of God and something in us comes alive and more joyful when we are reflecting His character. Giving to and serving others is a big part of that. 

There are tons of opportunities for giving and serving during the holiday season, but one of the main ones that come to mind for me is Operation Christmas Child with Samaritan’s Purse. This year, you can pack a shoebox by either physically shopping for items to fill your shoebox with or pack one virtually through their online portal. It’s such a great opportunity to love on a sweet child that may not get to experience the joy of opening gifts at Christmas. There are also tons of toy drives, coat drives, food pantry needs, etc. during this time of year. 

Maybe there are some kids in your family or friend group who could use some extra love and attention this time of year. Ask if you can buy them gifts or take them to do something fun and give the parents a break. There are always people who need our help and support - especially during the holidays. 

Lastly, I just want to encourage you to keep your focus on the reason and meaning for these holidays. I know it sounds cliche - “the reason for the season” and all - but it’s still true. Where we place our focus matters… what we allow our minds to dwell on matters. As I’ve already said, I’m in no way saying ignore your feelings or just “be happy”, “fake it til you make it” or any other garbage advice like that. The truth though is that both Thanksgiving and Christmas have a purpose, they aren’t purely just for fun. Even in the midst of some of the hardest, darkest day of our lives, we still have things to be thankful for. Research shows that gratitude has a positive effect on our brains, maybe even lessening the effects of depression. It also changes our perspective and shifts our focus from what we may feel that we lack (even as significant as it is) to what we have been blessed with. And the entire point of Christmas is that we all were given an incredible gift that we can never deserve - the gift of a Savior, of one who will bear our burdens and never leave us in our heartache, who will fill our longing and lack, if we will simply choose to accept Him. So this holiday season, make the time to focus on the meaning. Maybe start a gratitude journal, do an Advent study, read through the Christmas story - just do something that shifts your focus. 

I want to wrap up this episode with a little advice from someone other than me. I reached out to a few friends who have also experienced infertility and asked if they had advice for those of you who have close friends and family that you may see this holiday season who are also experiencing infertility. Here’s what they said:

• Don’t say things like “You can always adopt”, “Just relax! It will happen when you least expect it.”, “Don’t stress about it.”, and the most infamous “When are YOU going to have a baby?” 

• Don’t go into the holidays expecting a pregnancy announcement even though those can be common at holiday gatherings

• Don’t add any pressure for couples to have more children, just because their child has gotten older. Secondary infertility is just as real and painful. 

• Overall, just be considerate of your words and how they may make someone else feel. Think before you speak. 

I truly hope that this episode has helped you and given you some ideas of ways that you can enjoy this holiday season or ways to encourage your friends or family through what may be an extra difficult time. If you are personally walking through infertility, please know that you are not alone, you aren’t forgotten, you aren’t being punished or intentionally left out. You are seen, you are loved, you are valuable. Always feel free to reach out to me on social media, if you need someone to talk to that has been there. You can most easily find me on Instagram or send me an email.

If you want to hear more of my personal journey with infertility and endometriosis, check out Episode 31, and for a panel interview about what it’s like to experience infertility, check out Episode 35.

What It's Like to Experience Infertility

Welcome back, friends! This week is National Infertility Awareness Week and in this week’s episode, I had the opportunity to interview three of my sweet friends who graciously agreed to share their infertility journeys with you. We talk about what it’s like to experience infertility as well as things that have helped us along our journeys and things that have made it more difficult. 

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I know that I can speak for all of us and say that we hope that this episode will help you understand a little more about what experiencing infertility is like and if you are currently walking this very difficult road, we pray that you know that you are not alone. If you know someone who is struggling with infertility, please reach out to them today. Send them a text or drop off some coffee or flowers on their porch - just do something to let them know that you see them, you love them and are there to support them however they need you to. Share this podcast with them as well! 

Click the link below to listen to the full episode!