008 - Part 4: The Top Four Reasons Women Struggle to Lose Weight - An Unhealthy Mindset
Hi friends! This week we are finishing up the month-long series on The Top Four Reasons Women Struggle to Lose Weight with Part 4, which is an Unhealthy Mindset.
While an unhealthy mindset may be the last part of this series, it absolutely should not be the last thing you think about when considering why you may be struggling to lose weight (or to reach any goal, really) - it should be the first! The truth is that you can eat all the kale, never miss a workout, and drink tons of water, but if you don’t deal with the heart work - the part that addresses how you feel about yourself and the value you place on your health - you’re not going to make any true, lasting progress.
This principle is along the same lines of what we talked about in the first part of this series with having The Wrong Goal, but it goes much deeper than that. Your mindset about your health, your body, and really your worth is at the core of who you are and whether consciously or not, almost every decision you make about food, exercise, self-care, boundaries with others, etc. is related to it.
We all have struggled with this at some point - let me give you an example of what I mean. Let’s imagine that I have a client that is frustrated because she can’t seem to make any real progress with her health goals. She has tried multiple diet plans and has lost weight on most of them, but after a few weeks or months, she gains the weight back and is right back to feeling sluggish and depressed, she starts going through the drive-thru every night instead of cooking at home like she was before, she hardly ever works out anymore, and is back to drinking more soda than ever. This has happened to her time and time again and she can’t figure out why nothing ever seems to stick. She knows the things to do - but something is missing. She just can’t stay motivated! When I get to know her a little better, I learn that she has been dealing with these feelings and frustrations for several years. When I asked her when she remembers first feeling this way, she shared that it all started in college when she and her long-term boyfriend broke off their relationship. She told me about how he had made a few jokes about her gaining some weight and how it had hurt her feelings but she just brushed it off. Then she found out he was cheating on her with another girl who was much thinner and in her opinion, much more attractive than her. She told me that she blamed herself for their breakup and immediately started trying different diets and workout programs, and it worked - she lost all the weight she had gained in college. But nothing else in her life really seemed to change and after a while, she just went back to the same kind of lifestyle she was living before because it didn’t make the difference she was hoping for. She became very insecure about the way she looked and started spending more time alone. Even if other guys became interested in her, she would end things before they ever got started because she was afraid that if she couldn't control her weight, the same thing would happen again and this cycle just continued throughout her early twenties.
Can you relate to this client? Do you feel like you’ve tried every diet program under the sun but nothing really sticks long-term? Have you had a similar experience where you started to doubt that your body was good enough or that your identity was somehow wrapped up in the number that showed up on the scale?
There are a few questions that I would ask my client - and that I’m also going to ask you:
How do you define what “health” is?
What does it mean to you? Not a number on the scale or a certain size. I want you to dig deeper than that and think about what health means to you.
What would it look like for you to be healthy?
What would your life look like? How would it be different than it is now? What would your energy be like? Your relationships? Your career?
Do you think that you can actually be healthy?
When you picture that healthy version of yourself, do you actually believe that it’s possible for you?
Do you feel that you deserve to be healthy?
Like the client in my example, have you allowed something that someone said to you to become your own belief? Do you think that you are somehow undeserving of being healthy because of something you did, or maybe something you continue to do? Are you subconsciously punishing yourself because you feel like that is what you deserve?
Those may seem like weird questions but you would be surprised at how many people have never thought about these questions and honestly have a hard time answering them. It is so common for people to believe that truly being healthy isn’t actually possible for them or is something that they don’t deserve. So, I want you to take the time to reflect on your answers to these questions.
Now that you’ve thought about your answers, I want to spend the rest of today’s episode focusing on ways you can move into a healthier mindset.
Self-Worth
The first is to remind yourself of your worth! You were intricately and specifically made to be you! It sounds cliche to say but it’s true - no one else can be you! We spend so much time getting caught up in what others might think about us or maybe even in something that has been said about us by another person, that we forget what our Creator said about us - that we were fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139)! We are who He says we are - not what the internet says we are, not what our friends or family say that we are, not even what our own thoughts and feelings say that we are. We have to do the heart work of letting that stuff go, of laying down our insecurities and the lies we’ve allowed ourselves to believe. We have to remind ourselves that we were made by God and God doesn’t make junk, and He doesn’t make things without a purpose. We were given life and a body to live it in, and it’s our responsibility to honor that gift by stewarding it well.
Overwhelm
The second is to work through the overwhelm! Listen, I get it - trying to improve your health or make any health decision is overwhelming. There are so many options and so many people with opinions about the best way you to do it, but you can’t let that paralyze you. I’m all for making informed decisions and researching which option might be best for you, but it’s so easy to get caught up in all the noise that you end up not doing anything at all. So, my advice is to pick something - pick one action step that you know will improve your health, something simple. Things, like drinking more water or moving your body for 20-30 minutes every day, are great places to start. Action begets action. Once you start to make one change and stick to it, the more motivated and confident you will feel to move on to the next thing.
Maybe your situation is more overwhelming than most. Maybe like me, you are dealing with a health condition that needs specific considerations and recommendations. If so, your first step needs to be contacting a professional that can help you, then commit yourself to learn as much as you can from them.
Whenever I get really overwhelmed, usually with a list of things that I need to do, my husband always tells me the same thing. He says, “Line them up vertically - stop looking at them horizontally, as if they all need to be done at the same time, and just do the first thing.” As much as it may annoy me sometimes, he’s right! You can’t think about changing all the things at once - you will psych yourself out - but if you choose one thing to do first, you will begin to make progress and it will get easier from there!
Support
The third thing is you need to have a good support system. It’s critical for success! Research has shown that your health is greatly affected by the people you spend the most time with. Now, I’m not saying that if you have unhealthy friends that you need to stop hanging out with them, but I am saying that you need to find at least one person, preferably more, that will have your back and support you! Who will celebrate your wins and encourage you when you’re having a hard time. It’s going to be really difficult for you to make lasting lifestyle changes when the people you surround yourself with are making fun of you for going to work out or for not eating pizza for the third night that week. Again, the point isn’t to lose your friends, but to choose carefully who you have in your corner for this journey! Most of the time, if they truly care about you, they will be supportive and if not, it’s usually due to their own insecurities, so just keep that in mind.
If you need a group of people to be in your corner, who are experiencing similar struggles and have the same kind of goals, join my group coaching program! This is the last week to sign up for it (registration closes on 9/1) and there are a couple of spots left! Maybe this is the first step you need to take. I really can’t think of a more fun way to get started on your health journey, or maybe to restart on your health journey, than with the guidance and support from a coach, as well as with the support from other women all experiencing and learning the same things.
The group will meet twice a month from September - November and the meetings will be held virtually, so you’ll be able to join from the comfort of your own home! I’m really excited for this group and I would absolutely love for you to join us!
Friends that wraps up today’s post and our August series! I hope that you heard something that encourages you! Enjoy the rest of your day!