Friends! We are continuing the theme of focusing on ways to support our mental and emotional health - and today, I have my very first guest ever joining me on the podcast - my husband, Scott!

Today, well - the day this episode will be released - is our 10th wedding anniversary (So crazy)! So we thought it would be fun to do an episode that focuses on relationships and just some general tips for healthy relationships that we’ve learned over the past 10 years of marriage - and a lot of these can really be applied to any relationship - not just in marriage.

Scott and I met in college - although neither of us actually remembers meeting (romantic, right?). We were part of a mutual circle of friends and were around each other a lot (and did quite a bit of flirting 😉), but we were both dating other people at the time. However, the next spring I asked him out on a date and the rest is history! We dated for about 9 months before he popped the question, and we got married the next October. It’s hard to believe that it was 10 years ago! 

We want to share a few tips that we have found really helpful in our relationship and that has helped us to be a more unified team - not that we have mastered any of them!

Make God the center of your relationship/home

This one sounds a bit cliche but the truth is that it’s difficult to have a solid relationship if it isn’t built on a solid foundation. As Christians, our marriage vows weren’t just a promise to each other, but more importantly to God. So when things feel difficult or we aren’t exactly in sync with each other, reminding ourselves of how Christ loves us - and the grace and forgiveness He has given us - help us to extend the same type of love and grace to each other. 

Communicate expectations

Communication is everything, you guys! It took me way too long to accept the fact that Scott can’t read my mind and it’s kind of unfair for me to expect him to. Sure, as you grow together over time you will start to know and understand your spouse better, but you still won’t be able to predict every single thought or desire that they have. So just help them out and tell them! (Reminding myself here too!)

Embrace respectful confrontation 

Most people don’t enjoy confrontation, but we’ve learned that healthy confrontation, when needed can keep things from building up to the point of a big argument. Obviously, we don’t need to bring up or knit-pick every single little thing that we don’t like or agree with, but if it is something that becomes repetitive, and will eventually be a bigger issue, then it’s better to address it now. Just remember to be gracious and respectful of the other person. Their opinions and beliefs feel just as true to them as yours do to you. 

Learn the other person’s personality type/love language

I love learning about personality types and what makes people the way they are, but I understand that not everyone is like that (Scott being one of them). However, whether you are an enneagram nerd or not, there is still a lot of benefit from learning more about your spouse so that they can feel loved and known by you. I highly recommend taking a personality test like the enneagram together and well as learning each other’s love language! 

Get on the same page with money

Money is one of the top causes of disagreement in a relationship. We experienced this first-hand as both of us came from very different backgrounds and had different opinions and beliefs about debt, savings, etc. One of the best things you can do early in your relationship is to get on the same page with your money. Once you are married, the two of you become one - and that includes your money, your debts, etc. We highly recommend a program like Financial Peace University! It helped us to remember that we were on the same team and helped us work together toward a common goal rather than feel like we were working against each other. 

Assume the best of each other

Sometimes our imaginations get the best of us. We assume that the off-handed comment that someone made was said to hurt our feelings...or the fact that our spouse is staring at their phones while we are trying to talk to them means that they don’t care about us or what we are saying, but what if instead of assuming those things, we tried to assume the best about them instead? Most of the time the things that offend or bother us aren’t done intentionally - and honestly, it usually has more to do with the other person than it does with us. We can save ourselves a lot of heartaches and arguing if we choose to assume the best about those that we know love us and care about us, instead of being easily offended by them. 

Make regular date nights a priority

This is an obvious one, but it deserves repeating! We are the first to admit that we aren’t always great at this. It becomes so easy, especially when you have kids, to put spending intentional time with your spouse on hold, but that’s not what is best for your relationship, or even what is best for your kids. Date nights also don’t have to be a big, extravagant thing every single time. If you’re on a budget, have a regular at-home date night after the kids go to bed.. Or do something simple like a morning coffee date instead of an expensive dinner. It doesn’t so much matter what it is that you do, as it does that you are choosing to spend quality time together. 

Be lavish with your compliments and stingy with your criticism 

It is so easy for us to take advantage of the things that I spouses do for us. We just get so used to them being there for us, or always taking out the trash, or whatever it is, that we forget to even acknowledge them for it. Yet, we are still super quick to criticize when they do something that we don’t like or disagree with. We need to turn this one around! Take the time to notice the things that your spouse does for you around the house and thank them for it.. Or complement the way they look. Just a small word of encouragement or thankfulness will go a long way! 

Present a united front

This advice is often given in parenting - and for good reason. Our kiddos should never think that they can play us against each other, but this idea can be applied in other situations as well! We need to be careful about running to anyone - our parents, friends, whoever and complaining about or being critical of our spouse. No one should think that they can come to you and be negative about your husband/wife and that you will agree or go along with it. You should always have each other’s backs. Any complaints or discussion about your spouse needs to be taken directly to them. There may be times that you need to seek some counsel or advice from a friend about your relationship, but just be sure that your motives are where they should be and not just for you to vent or feel validated in your own opinion.

Do the little things 

This one goes back to making your spouse feel loved and seen. Scott is so good about this! Little things like letting me have the last bite of dessert or getting up and making the coffee in the mornings go a long way to help me feel loved and seen by him. Whatever that is for your spouse, just go out of your way to do the things that make them feel loved!

Thank you guys so much for taking the time to listen to this episode and to help us celebrate our anniversary! We hope these tips will be good reminders for you, just as they have been for us

If you haven’t subscribed or left a review yet, I would love if you would take just a minute to do so! Reviews help others find the podcast more easily and it means a lot to me! Hope you have a wonderful week and I’ll see ya back here next time!